there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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