Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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