Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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