you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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