Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize