I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize