he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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