when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
