I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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