I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
