happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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