come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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