Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
