I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
