I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
