nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
