WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
dude. I can hear the air.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
