we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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