imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
