Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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