i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
