they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i've created a new STD.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
