First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
