just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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