So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
