Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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