i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize