What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
