Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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