i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
