I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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