you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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