Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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