This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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