all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
