laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
