the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
