roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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