I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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