so explain again why im purple
no
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were trust falling into bushes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
