I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
