I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dick very happy bro
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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