Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
