I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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