His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
