wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
