I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
