I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
