Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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