I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
