dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
