you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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