His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
