So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she peed on how many people?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
