Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize