its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
