doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
