Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont even know how to be here
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
