My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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