I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
