Who did Billy Mays play for?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We were destined to go to rehab together
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
