yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
