It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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