My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
