I just threw up on my dentist
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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