and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize