after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
