his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
