There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
