i'm signing you up for texting rehab
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
