the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
