If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
