Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
