The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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