i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
