Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
